December 22, 2022


Undo well.

Undo is the act of removing the rope from a person or untying a knot. It might be during a scene in progress, as positions change and a rope or two are partially removed to be retied. It might be just a single knot of the whole, or all of them. 

Here we focus on that time in a scene when all the ropes come off. Perhaps this is at the end of the scene itself or merely a transition point when the bondage experience ends but the scene continues. 

Undo well, whether in practice or play.

During Practice:

When practicing, do as you do when tying on -- that is, eyes off hands, eyes off ropes, eyes on person, chin up, good posture, and be in your senses. It does not have to take long to do this. Undo can take as much or as little time as you wish. Undo with attention and intention during practice because you're setting good habits in muscle memory and the unconscious mind. 

Create variations in your Undo. 

Try changing the speed of your Undo to slower or faster. Change the rhythm or the gusto. Try Undo with different rope sensations.

This may lead to different and desired emotional states.

If you're casting, notice in yourself the differences in perception and experience. Ask about the other's experience of the changes. 

If you're receiving, describe these varied sensations, potential emotions, and experiences.

Ask each other -- What flavor of scenes would this particular variation of Undo be suitable for? 

If you are practicing solo, this still applies to you. Use words and voice to describe the sensations, emotions, and experience. Often this can help you clarify your wants to yourself and then, later, to your partners.

During play:

When in a scene, undo[LS1]  as you do for tying.

If you are casting, even as you Undo, you are still in the act of casting, or handling the ropes.

If you are receiving, even as they Undo, you are still receiving, as the ropes and your partner are still actively engaging with you.

You are both still in the Tea Garden (see my previous post), even if you may be on the exit path towards the street. Try not to rush and jump out to the 'busy street' into the onslaught of life's realities, responsibilities, and the messy world just because the scene has ended. That's terribly jarring – for everyone. Let the final Undo be a vital and rich part of the process of emerging from the scene in preparation for re-integration and resilience in the world. Let the Undo be a way for the pleasures of play to linger in the body, on and under the skin, and transform into good memories – for all participants. If the scene was not pleasurable, disappointing, or unpleasant, let the Undo help in recovery and rebalancing – for all participants. If anyone needs a different Undo, ask for it. Your partner will not know the shifts you need, and your ask can make the difference in how the scene is processed and remembered. Maybe it's pacing, maybe it's their attention, perhaps it's gentleness or roughness, or maybe it's conversation or silence. When new to Shibari or any type of rope bondage, we won't know what a 'good Undo' is for us at first. All of us must figure this out as we go. This is even more reason to Undo well during practice. If unsure, here is one thing you can do: pay attention to the other person during the Undo. Don't check out, don't check your phone, and don't plan dinner or the next scene. Also, don't slip into ruminating about something negative that happened during the scene. It wouldn't hurt to remind yourself to breathe.

Mid-scene Undos, when ropes are removed or changed, positions shifted, or activities transitioned, are excellent opportunities to deploy the benefits of The Good Undo. A mid-scene Undo may be planned or unplanned. The mood and momentum of your scene can flag or vanish when switching activities, taking a break, changing pace, or making a run to the bathroom. A mindful and appropriate mid-scene Undo can help everyone to stay in headspace and enjoy the moment.

Along with how you might Cinch with Gusto, or cinch with sweetness, along with the sensation leading to emotions, along with movement or potential movement, along with points of contact… The Good Undo in the flow, during and after, will enrich the experience for all.

How we wind down, conclude, and exit a scene – how we walk the garden path away from the tea house – in many ways is essential. Sadly, this is often neglected in learning and playing. A good scene can be dulled or overshadowed by a poor or nonexistent Undo. A bitter or disappointing scene might be amended, recovered, or sweetened a tiny bit with the right Undo for the situation.  

What's the right undo? Is there a singular, surefire way of creating a Good Undo?


(But you probably guessed that I'd say this.)

One Undo style does not fit all. The optimal Undo will vary from person to person and scene to scene. Practicing with attention to the Undo, not mentally checking out, can help you be more observant and receptive to all participants' needs. It will help to chat before play about your Undo pleasures and how each enjoys or prefers it. If your partner isn't familiar with the practice or impact of The Good Undo, this is an excellent opportunity for you to share in the delights.

Let The Good Undo leave you with a happy glow, elation, and satisfaction.


Midori's Bio

Trailblazing educator, sexologist, artist, and irritant to banality, Midori founded Rope Dojo and ForteFemme: Women's Dominance Intensive. She penned the first English instruction book on Shibari titled "Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage" in 2001, paving the way for the popularity of rope. Dan Savage calls her the "Super Nova of Kink," while others affectionately call her Auntie Midori for her cool, tell-it-like-it-is, funny, reality-based teaching. 

She is also the author of "Wild Side Sex," "Master Han's Daughter," and "Silk Threads."

During this pandemic, learn, laugh, and enjoy her special online classes, events, and art at www.patreon.com/PlanetMidori

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Creative Living Coaching and Private Sexological Consultations: ask@planetmidori.com